How to Stop Catastrophizing

I hear from a lot of you the frustration you feel with yourselves when you engage in habits that you know hurt you, but find hard to stop.

Can you relate Reader?

Today, we're talking about one of those habits: Catastrophizing thoughts. If you are one of my clients or have been in my community for a while, you probably know what catastrophizing is, but it is worth a recap.

Why?

Because when we "know" something, those are the exact areas we miss and which cause distress and pain in our lives.

It's not until you hear an example of that thing you "know already," that you recognize it in yourself again & realize: "Oh man, this thing has gotten into my life as a habit again. Time to re-re-program that pattern again."

SO - Catastrophizing is a common cognitive distortion or thinking error. It happens when we think of a current or future situation and make an extreme, negative outcome from that situation.

eg: you worry that you'll fail a test but then you imagine what would happen when you fail: "I can't do this. I'm going to fail school, end up working at McDonald's, never have success in life and die homeless on the street."

Catastrophizing is taking a difficult situation and interpreting it as the most horrible situation ever from which you will likely never recover and a clue to it's presence is that it uses extreme language.

eg: What starts as a simple but real, setback like getting a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, turns reality into the belief that:

"Something horrible is bound to happen."

"Why do these things always happen to me?"

"I'll never get home now."

Notice the extreme words in italics?

Catastrophizing can be a learned behaviour & response:

Many of us had that parent who when we didn't want to do our chores, told us something extreme like "If you don't do your chores your college roommates will hate you and eventually no one will want to marry you." or something like that.

Sometimes we catastrophize because that's how our parents disciplined us or that was the motivation tactic they used. So what was THEIR habit, becomes YOUR habit.

At its root catastrophizing is our habitual response to challenges or shortcomings. Notice I said it's a HABIT, and all habits are changable. This habit is NOT who you are are, nor does it define you.

How does catastrophizing mess us up?

We have all experienced tragedies in life including painful rejection or failure. To avoid that pain we trick ourselves into believing that if we expect the worst we can prevent it but in reality the opposite usually happens.

eg: We have a belief that deep down we don't belong. As a result, we often won't reach out to others.

That action causes us to cut ourselves off from the opportunity to get to know people which results ➡️ in isolation which confirms ➡️ the belief that we don't belong.

Catastrophizing invites anxiety & depression

Not only do we cut ourselves off from opportunities but we invite the exact problems we're hoping to avoid.

eg: We go into a conversation expecting the other person to get defensive. Preparing for their imagined response, we lead off the conversation by being harsher or more rigid which invites the other person's defensiveness.

When we imagine a future that is bleak threatening or hopeless, our brain responds by putting out less serotonin and dopamine the happiness, pleasure and motivation chemicals.

Being less motivated, we tend to withdraw and isolate ourselves.

This cycle of withdrawal from life combined with a lack of motivation invites a pattern of depression.

Catastrophizing also invites anxiety it forces our brain to see threats and failure everywhere and our brain responds to perceived threats with a fear response: the fight-flight freeze response.

This contributes to social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks, & more. Expecting the worst makes us hopeless and depressed about the future. It causes us to feel unmotivated (Why try if I'm gonna fail?) and it enables us to fall into self-pity. This closes us off to opportunities and options that might have worked and it leads to a sense of paralysis & helplessness.

Left unchecked, our assumptions/fears, create the very things we are trying to avoid.

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s time to shift gears.

How Do We Stop Catastrophizing?

Here are three practical tools to start changing the way you think:

1. Take Care of Your Brain (Get Some Sleep)

When you’re sleep-deprived, your brain becomes more sensitive to threat. Everything feels more overwhelming. Rest is a radical act of self-care—and it gives you the strength to face challenges head-on.

2. Accept Uncertainty

Uncertainty is a part of life. And while anxiety may show up in uncertain moments, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong. Try this reframing:

Instead of “I can’t handle this,” try ➤ “This is uncomfortable, but it won’t injure me. I can do hard things.”

Let go of the idea that anxiety is dangerous. It’s not. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s also a sign that you care about something. Practice sitting with it through mindfulness, journaling, or even doing one small scary thing a day.

3. Motivate With Hope, Not Fear

Set positive goals that are based on what you want, not what you’re trying to avoid. Instead of: “I have to go to school or I’ll end up with no future.” Try: “I choose to go to school because I want to learn and grow.”

You’re not doomed. You have a choice. Choose based on hope.

Rewiring Catastrophic Thinking:

Let’s get practical. Here is a somatic and cognitive roadmap to rewire catastrophic thinking:

Step 1: Notice what's happening in your body

Take a deep breath with a long exhale.
Do a grounding exercize like noticing an object that is near to you and one that is far away.
Are you holding tension anywhere? Visualize the tension in that area melting away.
Gently squeeze your hand, your arm, or that part that feels tense.

These actions GROUND your physical body into the present moment and away from the thoughts that are taking you from the present safety and into a perceived, but unreal, danger state of response.

Step 2: Notice Your Thoughts What do you tell yourself when catastrophizing? Words like “never,” “always,” “failure,” or “terrible” are red flags. Track what situations trigger these thoughts. Ask a friend to help you notice them, too.

Step 3: Gently Replace Those Thoughts With Something More Honest and Helpful Let’s say your thought is:

“I messed up this report. I’m never going to finish it. I’ll probably get fired.”

Try replacing it with:

“Okay, I made a mistake. Everyone does. I’ll fix it and ask for help if I need to. One mistake doesn’t define me.”

Or this:

“I said the wrong thing to my partner. They’re going to leave me.”

Shift your thoughts about what you said to:

“I was upset and didn’t communicate kindly. I’ll apologize and try to make it right. Hopefully, we both learn something from this.”

This requires vulnerability. You’re showing up and trying—even though it might not go perfectly. That’s real courage.

Be brave. Risk feeling & failing. You’ll find that joy, connection, and growth are waiting on the other side.

If this resonated with you, please forward it to someone else who could use it.

Let me know your thoughts about this, where you struggle with catastrophizing & how it impacts your life.

💛Remember, the impact of your little ripples of change makes a huge difference to everyone around you & those who you love.💛

Have a question? Respond to this email to ask me a question or book a complimentary intake session right HERE.

Here for you,✨

Tess René Coaching